Update

Evening Newgrounds

I've noticed more and more people have been popping up on this site over the last few months. Whether that's new or same as usual I couldn't really say but it's great all the same. Whether you're here to create, troll, or fap welcome!

This update is more of a confession. A confession to myself. The last two-three years have been a whirlwind of excitement and growth for me. My life has changed. I've failed so much more and I've suceeded too.

This last week has left me wondering what it's all for. I've been in a existential meltdown since coming off what I feel was yet another loss. I've never been confident in myself or one to take any risks. It's the reason I guess I never tried to compete. Now that I have I'm starting to get a feeling of what losing is really like and question whether I can keep this up. Maybe this is all account of an unstable foudation built of abstract goals? Maybe I value you things that are just too unrealistic? Maybe I'm too envious of those I admire? Maybe what I'm expecting of myself is really too much.

All this leads me back to "What am I trying to achieve?" and I don't really know anymore. To be honest I'm not sure I ever really knew?

Is that a bad thing? I'm not sure. It feels like it is but the pressure I'm putting on myself to answer is probably even worse.

I wrote this for myself. I wrote this to share something. I wrote this to reflect, in the hopes to pick myself up and get back to looking for answers.

As one d-bag in Street Fighter once said...

and I think this helped.

More to cum. Kisses! ;*

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PhantomArcade 2018-08-05 02:00:21

You rock dude, always. Just make sure you're alright and make the things you really want to make!

FuShark 2018-08-05 02:00:21

Thanks, I'll do my best.

JohnnyUtah 2018-08-05 02:38:10

Hang in there man. Try to keep things in perspective. if you need to talk things out people I’m sure you have friends that will lend you an ear .

FuShark 2018-08-05 02:38:10

Thanks, appreciate it.

Remi-le-Oduen 2018-08-05 02:50:02

Well... you are doing great in what you are doing. If you enjoy doing it, is it that important to have a single goal?

FuShark 2018-08-05 02:50:02

"Doing great in what you are doing" is dependent on what you're finding value in. Attention, money etc. and I think I've been putting too much value in unreasonable things.

It's not so much about a single goal but rather finding purpose in what I am doing. At the moment I'm not sure what my goals are and in turn feel lost.

Thanks for you input. :)

Sevi 2018-08-05 10:40:03

I think every artist has these thoughts from time to time, I have no doubt that with your talent you'll pull through. Maybe you need to work on a bigger project?

FuShark 2018-08-05 10:40:03

Yeh, I know I'm not alone when it comes to these things. Continuing to collaborate with others maybe one way that could help. Thanks!

FOST3R 2018-08-05 11:36:53

No matter what you are setting out to do, cognizant of it or unaware, you have the base skill sets and talent to achieve anything you set yourself out to achieve, so long as you keep trying and developing your skills. I know it sounds corny, but it is true -- and failing is such a good thing! Failing means you are actually challenging yourself. The people who don't achieve are the ones who never actually try to challenge themselves, either out of fear of failure and initial lack of talent scaring them from developing those skill sets to begin with. I think it is worse for people who already have at least SOME measurable talent in an area, because they have already been made to believe that they can accomplish any task in that realm, either by family, friends, or peers.

I'm sure you know that already, though. It is sounding like you're trying to find reason and purpose in what you're doing moreso than anything, which I think a lot of us can relate to. I know I sure can. I am a bigger picture person, but one thing that helps me with this issue is to only look a day, a week, or a month ahead. It's so overwhelming to consider the whole future ahead of me when it is all so up in the air and I don't know what exactly I am chasing after. But the closer we get to itthe clearer it could become, perhaps? Even if it's finding something completely different.

Anyway, now I am rambling! You are super incredible and talented, Fu, and I wish you the best. If you ever wanna talk, you've got plenty of pals to listen, myself included.

FuShark 2018-08-05 11:36:53

Thank you so much for going out of your way to write all this out. Means a lot.

This weekend I've tried slowing down and breathing. Appreciating each day instead of worrying about every passing second and trying to avoid feeling the pressure to work. I'm also actively trying to avoid certain triggers and when I do unfortunately run into them just try to accept and find the positives.

Again, thanks for the ramble it truly does mean a lot and I'm grateful to have you offer up your friendship like that Foster. The feeling is the same and am here for you if you need me. <3

Olkris 2018-08-09 10:29:35

It's funny because I was listening to a new track from one of my fave artists (Rameses B - Before the Storm) when I read this and it felt like a really epic confesion. Also don't stress out too much, you only live once so do what you like. Your goal should be first and for most to be happy. And even if your art wouldn't be as "great" as another's, it doesn't mean people can't enjoy it, and definetly doesn't mean you should quit everything and do something else.

FuShark 2018-08-09 10:29:35

Hah, I'll have to check out that track then.

I greatly appreciate your input thanks!

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