I've noticed more and more people have been popping up on this site over the last few months. Whether that's new or same as usual I couldn't really say but it's great all the same. Whether you're here to create, troll, or fap welcome!
This update is more of a confession. A confession to myself. The last two-three years have been a whirlwind of excitement and growth for me. My life has changed. I've failed so much more and I've suceeded too.
This last week has left me wondering what it's all for. I've been in a existential meltdown since coming off what I feel was yet another loss. I've never been confident in myself or one to take any risks. It's the reason I guess I never tried to compete. Now that I have I'm starting to get a feeling of what losing is really like and question whether I can keep this up. Maybe this is all account of an unstable foudation built of abstract goals? Maybe I value you things that are just too unrealistic? Maybe I'm too envious of those I admire? Maybe what I'm expecting of myself is really too much.
All this leads me back to "What am I trying to achieve?" and I don't really know anymore. To be honest I'm not sure I ever really knew?
Is that a bad thing? I'm not sure. It feels like it is but the pressure I'm putting on myself to answer is probably even worse.
I wrote this for myself. I wrote this to share something. I wrote this to reflect, in the hopes to pick myself up and get back to looking for answers.
As one d-bag in Street Fighter once said...
and I think this helped.